I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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