Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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