i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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