He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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