he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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