If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
