If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
