i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
