It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
