Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
