How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
