if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
