its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
