I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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