does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
