Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
