That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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