i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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