remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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