My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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