so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
