He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
