Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry about my life...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
