I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
