there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
