Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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