I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize