he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
PANTIES FOUND
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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