No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
