OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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