so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
