my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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