In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Let's get the cat blown out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
