i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
