Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
