No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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