It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
