Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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