All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
