i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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