i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
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My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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