cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
