If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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