Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
