do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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