I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
