Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
