you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
