look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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