Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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