put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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