i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
