so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
