i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
