I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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