we have officially lost it.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
