I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
