Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
