I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
