My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
