I cannot find my penis.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
