Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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