i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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