So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
