Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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