My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
