I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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