tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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