just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
