my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
