it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
