Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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