Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
