So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
