i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
God, I missed his penis.
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