Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
