I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
